#093: Turtles, Tolerance, and Truth

by Jeff | Aug 9, 2015

Helping others get out of their fear-induced shells can be difficult work. This week, Jeff and Dave talk about tackling rejection. We’ve all been left out or betrayed by ones closest to us. The typical response to rejection is by withdrawing into our shell to keep us from further hurt. It’s the same thing turtles do when a threat is present. Anyone who’s done this knows you can only stay in your shell for so long before it becomes dangerous to our health. At some point we have to get out of our shell. But how? Who will accept me for me?

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The Notes

Are you needed or wanted? Find out on the previous episode.

There are times when everybody feels rejected. There are times we are rejected for whatever reason. But if you’re going into your shell, go in there to think. Don’t go in there to stay. -DW

Those who stay in their shell too long will begin to live in a pretend world. A pretend world makes you a slave to your feelings, to other people, and ultimately to emotional disorder. Instead, think about what makes you inherently you. Think about those around you who you know love you. Think about Scripture and how God sees you.

If you are going through life hoping and praying that someone would need you, I think you’re hoping and praying to stay sick because I don’t think that’s gonna happen in a realistic world. And if it does, then what you’ve done is surrounded yourself with people around you that are codependent on you, and that isn’t healthy. -DW

If you have tied your performance to being needed, since there is no way for you to be needed, you get frustrated and eventually you admit to yourself that you’re not needed. And since you’ve spent your whole life trying to be needed, you end up in a state of mind you can’t get out of on your own. You’ve created a paradox and a conflict within the core of your being that must be resolved.

[Tweet “When you take on God’s characteristics of being needed, you end up miserable. @wagerdaw #HNRTB”]

I’m not getting rid of you, Ancient Lawnmower. I’m taking care of you, man. We’re gonna go through this together. -DW

We can choose to keep “upgrading friends” and trading in bosses and BFFs our whole life and still end up miserable. The key is to be patient with people, but we don’t have to be tolerant of actions that are rude, disrespectful or just plain evil. Sometimes, the answer is to stay and fight for a relationship. I think that too often we run when a relationship gets difficult. We hide when we should really lean in and listen.